Matthew Feeney was awarded honorable mention in Drama in the 2020 Prison Writing Contest.
Every year, hundreds of imprisoned people from around the country submit poetry, fiction, nonfiction, and dramatic works to PEN America’s Prison Writing Contest, one of the few outlets of free expression for the country’s incarcerated population.
This piece is also featured in Breathe Into the Ground, the 2020 Prison Writing Awards Anthology.
CON*STAR ANKLE BRACELETS
A collection of seven comedic commercial television scripts
Commercial #1:
30-second TV Spot Featuring GPS Tracking
FADE IN:
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen.
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star provides 1-Touch Navigation Services for all inmates.
EXT. WOODS – DAY
INMATE in orange prison jumpsuit is running wildly through the brush—stops, out of breath.
CU – FINGER PUSHING BUTTON on his CON*STAR ANKLE BRACELET
CON*Star CHIME sounds
CON*STAR OPERATOR (through speaker)
This is CON*Star. How may I help you Mr. Conway, #285730?
INMATE
(out of breath) Uhm, hi there, uh, ya, I’m lost.
CON*STAR OPERATOR (through speaker)
No problem, Mr. Conway! Our GPS sensors indicate you’re in the woods approximately 2.3 miles north of Goose Lake Prison. Continue straight ahead for 800 yards, then turn left at the unnamed service road and continue approximately 1 mile to County Road 44. Would you like me to dispatch an Uber to wait for you at your destination?
INMATE gives thumbs up and a big smile.
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen.
CON*Star CHIME sounds
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star: Helping Cons find their way home since 2015.
FADE OUT.
Commercial #2:
30-second TV Spot Featuring Voice Reminders & Voice Response
FADE IN:
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen.
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star service includes Voice Reminders and Fully Customizable Voice Responses
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
WORKER in hard-hat is standing on pile of construction rubble. VIBRATING SOUND.
CU – FINGER PUSHING BUTTON on his CON*STAR ANKLE BRACELET
CON*STAR OPERATOR (through speaker)
(CON*Star CHIME sounds)
Hello, Mr. Ostebo. Reminder, you have a meeting with your PO today at 1pm. Would you like to reply?
WORKER
Yeah. What are my options?
CON*STAR OPERATOR (through speaker)
Your Preset Options are
#1: Yes Sir, Thank you. See you then, Sir.
#2: Si Senor, no problemo.
#3: Aaight.
#4. Seriously? AGAIN?
#5: I may be late due to traffic!
#6: I may be late ’cause I don’t give a damn.
#7: FU! Catch me if you can, you wanna-be copper!
WORKER
(snickering)
Respond with #6.
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen.
CON*Star CHIME sounds
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star: Helping keep jails filled since 2015.
FADE OUT.
Commercial #3:
30-second TV Spot Featuring Audio Monitoring
FADE IN:
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star service includes Audio Monitoring at no additional cost.
INT. SEEDY GARAGE SHOP – NIGHT
Four guys are sitting around a table discussing their plans.
AXEL
So Jimmy—you da look-out, see? Honk three times if you see da fuzz. Johnny—you ‘n Flex are da Muscle…
CU-CON*STAR ANKLE BRACELET on FLEX
AXEL (continues)
…just don’t forget to take the safety off this time.
INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN
3 Cops are sound asleep surrounded by high-tech electronic equipment
AXEL (continues – through speakers)
So we show up at 8:55 a.m. The address of the bank is 1029 Lake Shore Drive in Cottage Grove. If anything goes wrong, we all meet up back at Frankie’s house on DuPond Street in Hastings…
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen.
CON*Star CHIME sounds
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star: Helping Cons find work since 2015.
FADE OUT.
Commercial #4:
30-second TV Spot highlighting miscellaneous features
FADE IN:
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen
EXT. BEACH – DAY
BEACHGOER walks along beach wearing swimsuit and Ankle Bracelet
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star Ankle Bracelets are discreet.
INT. GARAGE – DAY
MOTORCYCLIST wearing leather jacket struggles and swears as he tries to pull motorcycle boot over his CON*STAR ANKLE BRACELET
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star Ankle bracelets are comfortable.
EXT. BEACH – DAY
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star Ankle bracelets are water resistant…
BEACHGOER steps in water, SCREAMS and flails around as he gets severely shocked.
SPOKESPERSON (continues – VO)
…but not waterproof.
INT. GARAGE – DAY
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
Batteries last for hours and come with a convenient extra-long charging cord.
MOTORCYCLIST rides away with 100′ cable dragging from his boot.
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen.
CON*Star CHIME sounds
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star: Aggravating Cons since 2015.
FADE OUT.
Commercial #5:
30-second TV Spot Featuring Speed Detection
FADE IN:
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star operators instantly respond to all alerts.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Difficult to see what’s going on; hear BRUSHING of clothing and HEAVY BREATHING
CON*STAR OPERATOR (through speaker)
(CON*Star CHIME Sounds)
Hello, Mr. Larson. This is CON*Star. We’ve received an alert you may be exceeding the recommended speed limit…
Camera pulls back to show MAN and WOMAN intertwined in each other’s arms.
CON*STAR OPERATOR (continues – through speaker)
Please slow down, this is your first weekend out of prison…
CU – CON*STAR ANKLE BRACELET on MAN
CON*STAR OPERATOR (continues – through speaker)
And don’t forget to use protection…you can’t afford any more child support payments.
WOMAN gives MAN dirty look – the magic is gone.
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen.
CON*Star CHIME sounds
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star: Keeping Cons single since 2015.
FADE OUT.
Commercial #6:
30-second TV Spot Featuring Voice Dialing
FADE IN:
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star service includes unlimited voice activated dialing.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
PAROLEE sitting on couch watching TV. Pushes button on his CON*Star Ankle bracelet.
CON*STAR OPERATOR (through speaker)
(CON*Star CHIME Sounds)
Hello, Mr. Mindrup. This is CON*Star. How may we assist you?
PAROLEE
Voice Dial.
CON*STAR OPERATOR (through speaker)
Voice Dial. Okay.
Say 1 to be connected to your PO
Say 2 to be connected to your attorney
Say 3 to be connected to your mother
Say 4 to be connected to GrubHub
Say 5 to be connected to your discreet international travel agent
CU – CON*STAR ANKLE BRACELET on PAROLEE
CON*STAR OPERATOR (continues – through speaker)
Say 6 to be connected to your non-authorized pharmaceutical provider
Say 7 to be connected to your judge’s unlisted home phone number.
Cut to PAROLEE, considering options with a tempted look on his face.
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen.
CON*Star CHIME sounds
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star: Keeping Cons connected since 2015.
FADE OUT.
Commercial #7:
30-second TV Spot Featuring Remote Door Unlock and Remote Start
FADE IN:
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star service includes Remote Door Unlock and Remote Start.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
PAROLEE standing next to car. Looks around casually. Reaches down.
CU – FINGER PUSHING BUTTON on his CON*STAR ANKLE BRACELET
CON*STAR OPERATOR (through speaker)
(CON*Star CHIME Sounds)
Hello, Mr. Robertson. This is CON*Star. How may we assist you?
PAROLEE
Yah. Hey there. How ya doing? I’m embarrassed to say I’ve locked myself out of my vehicle. Can you unlock the car for me?
CON*STAR OPERATOR (through speaker)
Remote Unlock? No problem.
CU – DOOR LOCK POPS UP
PAROLEE opens door and sits in car.
PAROLEE
Can you remote start it for me too?
CON*STAR OPERATOR (through speaker)
Remote Start? No problem.
Car ENGINE ROARS to life.
CON*STAR OPERATOR (continues – through speaker)
You must be getting forgetful, Mr. Robertson. This is the seventeenth car we’ve unlocked for you this week. Have a great day!
Cut to PAROLEE, big smile on his face as he puts on his seatbelt and drives away
GRAPHIC
White CON*Star Logo on a black screen.
CON*Star CHIME sounds
SPOKESPERSON (VO)
CON*Star: Providing cons with affordable transportation since 2015.
FADE OUT.
Further Reading
- From the Prison Writing archives: “Freedom is Complicated” by Saint James Harris Wood, Prison Writing Award winner and committee member
- Learn more about surveillance and parole
- Priscilla Ocen, 2018 Writing for Justice Fellow, “Awakening to a Mass-Supervision Crisis”
- EXiT: Executives Transforming Probation and Parole
- Temperature Check Vol. 8, The Re-entry Issue
