Orville E. Spicer
Trenton, NJ 08625
I have been brought up on charges of thumbing my nose at two Officers. Now, can anyone believe such a think? No! The most humble, sub-servant type of con who ever existed, doing such a henious thing? What is the world coming to that a nice person like me could be so falsely accused?
Here is the way it went at the prison court line:
Warden: (hereinafter known as “W”) “Send 50570 in.”
Enter “The Chuck” (hereinafter known as “C”) taking six-inch steps.
W: “Why are you taking such small steps, Chuck? (He even knows my nickname!)
C: “SIR, I am so dumb I tied my shoelaces together, SIR.”
W: (with his head on the desk, mumbling something about I’ll not blow-up—I’ll not blow up, God give me patience, Etc…!) At last he looks up, and gently laying some hair from his head on the desk says, “You are charged with thumbing your nose at two guards who were walking in the hallway.”
C: SIR I would never do something like that, SIR. The guards all know that no one respects them more than I do. Why there is not another con in the joint that will genuflect as fast as I do for the guards, even right in front of people from the outside. Why, look how respectfull I was when the reform committee was in here. Who else put his head on the floor and crawled backwards from the presence of the officers? No…SIR, I would never thumb my nose at the officers. NO SIR! Not me…SIR!
W: “What the hell was your thumb doing on your nose when you looked at my two officers?”
C: “Well SIR, you see SIR, it is kinda like this…SIR. I have this sinus problem, SIR, and my nose often itches, SIR, and I just happened to be scratching it, SIR, when the officers happened by, SIR.
W: “Your other fingers were waving in the air in a most obscene and insulting manner. Why?”
C: “SIR, that is not the first time I have trouble with those same four fingers, SIR. They just persist in getting me into trouble, SIR. Why just look how stupid they are, SIR. They tied my shoelaces together, SIR. Honest, I have tried my best to train them, SIR, they are just slow learning, SIR.
(Hmmmmmmm, the warden must be tired, poor fellow. He has lain his head on the desk and sounds like he is snoring, or crying).
W: (Looking up with red eyes, says) “No, no, no, what in the ever loving hell have I done to deserve this? (Refering to my record in front of him, he remarks): “Here I see where you were up on charges 127 times in the past year by these same two officers. Can you tell me why you are always in trouble with these same two officers?”
C: Well, SIR, it goes a long way back, SIR. Remember years ago when I had to pay for the two ball-bats, SIR? Well, you remember that the same two guards are the ones who charged me with deliberately destroying the two ball bats while they were in the possession of the two guards, SIR? You see, SIR, the two guards wrote charges against me, SIR. Maybe the charges were true, SIR. YES SIR, I MEAN THEY WERE TRUE CHARGES…SIR, perfectly justified, SIR. However, I didn’t think that it was fair to make me pay for the ball bats, SIR. The guards were right, SIR, in saying I ran my head into the ball bats so hard they were bent (the ball bats) to the extent they could not be used again. But to make me pay for them SIR?”
W: Hmmmmm, I don’t see that charge here. However, since you say it is true, we will now record it. How do you plead to this charge of thumbing your nose at the guards? GET UP OFF THE GODDAM FLOOR!!
C: “SIR, I was just showing my respect, SIR.”
W: “Please, Chuck, PLEASE, just go back to your cell. P-L-E-A-S-E?? AND FIX THOSE GODDAM SHOES BEFORE YOU GO DOWN THE HALLWAY. NO! NO! S-T-O-P! Put the (sounds of sobbing) shoes back on, Chuck. (to the officer in the courtroom) Take those shoe strings out of this fools shoes before he leaves here. C-H-U-C-K! STOP HUNCHING YOUR HIPS THAT AWAY WHILE THE OFFICER IS BENT OVER GETTING THE SHOE STRINGS!! Spicer, you’re nuts, insine, a raving gaddam ifiot, stir-happy, a trouble maker, an agitator, a, a, a, oh hell, please get your sorry ass out of HERE! You are the only other prisoner in history who had to be maced to get him OUT of the hole! Mumble, grumble, curses, (snif) grumble.”
See what a hard time I have a round here? They just pick on me all the time. Why the other day I came across the center control room, there was a bunch of free world people being shown around. Now the minute I came to the center, and the Lt. saw me, he looked like he was going to cry right there. They like it when you dall down on your knees and salam to them when no one is around. Nor can I understand why the free world people looked at the LT. so shocked; it happens all the time. Funny how they always run after me when there are free world people in here and I am out lose. Can you just picture it? Officers running everywhere asking “where’s the Chuck?” “Get the Chuck!” Got to where I hardely ever get to see anyone from outside anymore. They just don’t understand me. They just don’t understand me. Like something that happened last year. These same two guards (They hate me) caught me with some swag (contraband) of a dangerous nature (that’s bad, very bad) as I was coming up the hallway; two potatoes, one wrinkled ol carrot, one onion and a HOT PEPPER! WOW! I was really loaded So they took me to the center to see the duty Lt. Now from England there were these three College Professors in looking around. You know the type, “I say there old chap, etc.” Well we were all standing there in front of the bullet proof cage that the Lt. stays in. The English Profs. Were really looking me over. Suddenly I dropped on the floor, grabbed two of their pants legs and started growling and snapping like a dog at their legs. They sure got back at me though, they pissed all over me. Guess what? In less than a minute I was in the hole. Just can’t figure these people out. NO WAY!!