When Sarah and Ian Hoffman’s son Sam was two years old, he started being attracted to objects and activities that were generally considered “girl things,” including pink sneakers and t-shirts, then princess dress-up costumes, tiaras, and fairy wings. Then he wanted to wear a dress to school, and the couple found themselves trying to balance supporting Sam’s intense desire to be himself with concerns about his safety and wellbeing.
They had no support network at first, but over time found programs that helped introduce them to other families with gender-nonconforming kids. Sarah started writing about the topic for parents so they could feel less isolated and know how to support their kids. At the time, Ian was writing children’s picture books about other topics. In a natural progression, they brought their work together by collaborating on a picture book about a gender-creative boy.
They wrote Jacob’s New Dress in 2014. In 2017 the book was targeted by a school district in North Carolina, and it became highly contested since. They nevertheless followed up with more stories: Jacob’s Room to Choose and Jacob’s School Play: Starring He, She, and They! Last year, in response to the efforts to take their stories off the shelves of schools and libraries, they wrote Jacob’s Missing Book, a story about book banning, LGBTQ+ rights, and censorship.
Jacob’s Room to Choose, which centers on bullying and bathroom choices, is now one of the books involved in a case that the Supreme Court will hear on April 22, about whether a Maryland school district must provide parents who object to LGBTQ+ books on religious grounds with an option to take their children out of lessons involving the books.
In an interview with PEN America, Sarah and Ian shared their thoughts on their books being banned and misrepresented, and what it means to fight to have books like theirs in the classroom.
What was the impetus for writing Jacob’s Room to Choose?
When our son Sam was six years old, he was assaulted in the boy’s bathroom at school. Sam was wearing khaki pants and a grey Star Wars t-shirt, but had long hair and was wearing his favorite pink Crocs. Another student looked at Sam, decided Sam was a girl, and began to scream at and kick Sam.
It wasn’t just at school that Sam had problems in the bathroom. We couldn’t safely send Sam by himself into any public bathroom. At playgrounds and zoos, in airports and restaurants, other kids—and often adults—felt the need to tell Sam he was in the wrong place. Sometimes they were polite. Mostly they were not. And Sam? He was a little kid who just needed to pee.
After Sam had endured years of bathroom confrontations, we wrote Jacob’s Room to Choose. In the book, Jacob and his friend, Sophie, are chased out of the bathrooms at school. Jacob tries to use the boys room, and Sophie the girls room, but other kids decide that they do not belong in those places based on their clothes. Jacob and Sophie’s teacher realizes there’s a problem, and puts together an impromptu lesson on basic courtesy in bathrooms. Just like the teacher, we, as parents and children’s book writers, believe that everyone should be able to use the bathroom safely—whether they look like other people expect them to or not.
What have readers—young and old—told you about what your book meant to them?
Parents often show us photos of their child hugging one of our books. Teachers and librarians tell us stories of how they used our books to help specific children in their classroom or library. Schools invite us to speak to kids and parents in order to create a culture of kindness. Most of the feedback we get about our books is overwhelmingly positive.
What do you think it means for children to have books like this?
As authors, we know how meaningful it is for kids to see themselves represented in books. When our son was four, and the only boy we knew who wanted to wear a dress, we looked around for books about boys like him. We found none. It was a lonely time, for him and for us. So we wrote our first book, Jacob’s New Dress, to help kids like our son know that they are not alone—and to help all kids learn to be kind.
Recently, a parent told us they shared one of our books with their son, and he cried tears of happiness. “That’s me,” he said. That’s why we write, for kids like that one.
What does it say to you when someone says LGBTQ+ content violates their religious beliefs?
We believe that people have a fundamental right to practice and express their faith, but not when it harms others. Allowing families to opt their children out of reading our books hurts the children whose lives and families are reflected in those books. “Opt-out” policies starkly communicate to classrooms of children that behaving decently to all human beings is optional and tells kids who are different that they and their families don’t merit the respect of all their classmates.
What have you personally experienced during this wave of book bans and having your book cited in this case?
Our books are currently banned in 26 states (and Malaysia). We’ve had people try to sink our books’ visibility on Amazon with organized campaigns of negative reviews. We’ve had people file false complaints to get our Facebook page taken down. We’ve had people lie about the content of our books in public meetings. We’ve had people running for office on a platform of banning our books. We’ve been assigned armed security guards in order to talk to children at a public library. It’s all a little strange for books that are about self-acceptance and kindness.
If they were listening, what would you say to people who don’t want their children to read this book or want to make these books part of an opt-out policy?
If they were listening, we’d tell them what we believe:
1. Every child should see themselves represented in a book.
2. Every child should be able to use the bathroom safely.
3. Learning to get along with people who are different than you is part of a public school education.
Our guess is the parents who want to opt out believe the same things, too.
Many of the books cited in the case have been badly misrepresented in the media. What would you like people to understand that they might have missed?
When we see how our book is represented in the media, it’s clear to us the people objecting to it haven’t actually read it. Our book is about a boy trying to use the boys bathroom, and a girl trying to use the girls bathroom. The message of our book is that all children should feel safe to use the bathroom. Ironically, that’s the scenario conservatives are demanding.
