THE SETTING is a kitchen and living room seperated by a wall with a doorway. Through the window over the kitchen sink rain and the occasional flash of lightning can be seen. TAMMY is in the kitchen preparing dinner. KENNETH is sleeping on the couch in the living room. BRANDON, eight, and ANDY, six, enter stage left, chasing each other from the kitchen to the living room then exit stage right. Andy enters stage right running to the kitchen. Brandon is chasing him. Both boys are screaming and laughing as they play. Each boy has bright orange plastic samaurai swords in their hands.

Brandon: Come here, Shredder. You can’t get away from me.

Andy: (Stops and faces Brandon) No, Brandon. I’m Michelangelo. YOU’RE Shredder.

Brandon: (Shakes his head) Nuh-uh. I’m Michelangelo. You’re Shredder and I’m gonna cut your head off and sit on it while I eat pizza. (Brandon swings his toy sword at Andy.)

Andy: (Hits Brandon’S sword with his own) It’s my turn to be Michelangelo. You were Michelango last time. (Andy swings again and hits Brandon on the head with his sword.)

Brandon: Owww! (Angry) You butthead! Take this, Shredder. (Brandon swings wildly with his sword, hitting Andy several times on the arms and legs.)

Andy: (Drops his sword, grabs his arms and starts crying) I don’t want to play with you no more. You turdface. (Andy turns towards the living room to walk away.)

Tammy: (Turns her head at Andy’S cursing. She throws the lettuce she is washing in the sink. She is irritated and grabs Andy by his shoulder, turning him to face her.) Young man, you watch your mouth. Do you want me to wash it out with soap?

Andy: (Looks down guilty and pouts) No, ma’am.

Brandon: (Covers his mouth with his free hand and laughs while pointing his finger at Andy, but still holding the swor.) Andy’s gonna eat soo-oap. (Laughs again)

Tammy: (Grabs Brandon while still holding on to Andy. She is angry.) John Brandon, you’re about 30 seconds from me getting the belt. I heard what you said too, so I might need to wash your mouth out as well. (Lets go of both boys, picks up Andy’S sword and gives it to him) What is wrong with you two? Can’t you just play and let me get dinner ready. (Sighs in exasperation and puts her hands on her hips, glaring at one boy then another)

Andy: (Still pouting. Wipes tears out of his eyes) Well Brandon won’t play fair. He always wants to be Michelangelo and I got to be Shredder.

Brandon: That’s cause I can beat you and the turtles are supposed to beat Shredder. He’s the enemy.

Andy: (Andy quickly swings the sword and hits Brandon on the head again.) See, I can beat you. I should be Michelangelo.

Brandon: (Covers his head with his free hand and hollers) MO-O-OM! (Brandon starts swinging his sword at Andy, anger in his face. Both boys start sword fighting.)

Tammy: (Irritated, Tammy takes both swords from the boys) STOP IT! Stop it right now. Don’t you know your dad is trying to sleep? I’ve got to finish dinner. Now, you two better start playing nice.

Andy: I’m gonna be Michelangelo. (Points at Brandon) You’re Shredder.

Brandon: (Shakes his head and points at himself) No way. I’m the turtle. (Brandon points at Andy.) You’re Shredder.

Tammy: Look boys, why don’t you both be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There’s four of them aren’t there? That way you BOTH can fight the bad guy.

Brandon / Andy: (Simultaneously) Shredder!

Tammy: (Yells) Zip it! (Shoulders drop and Tammy sighs) Okay, okay. Just keep the noise down and play nice. You boys wake your dad and you’ll wish you hadn’t. (Tammy gives the swords back to Brandon and Andy.) Now go on and be turtles, or whatever.

Brandon: Come on Andy, let’s go get our turtle costumes on.

(Brandon and Andy run through the living room and exit stage left. Kenneth rolls over on the couch. A minute passes by. Tammy continues to prepare pizza while Kenneth sleeps. Brandon and Andy enter the living room stage left. Brandon has both swords whirling wildly in the air while Andy has part of a broomstick he is swinging like a quarterstaff. They fight imaginary enemies. Pillows from the love seat and chairs get thrown occasionally at the imagined enemies like shuriken. Brandon is wearing a blue sash and matching eye mask. Andy is wearing an orange sash and orange eye mask.)

Brandon: (Slashing swords through the air) Take that, foot soldiers. You can’t keep us from Shredder and Krang. Donatello, help me out.

Andy: (Jumps into position beside Brandon and thrusts forward with his staff) Gotcha, Mikey. Cowabunga, dude!

(Brandon and Andy continue there play battle in the living room for another minute. Breathing hard, they both stop in an attack ready position.)

Brandon: That’s the last of the foot soldiers, Donatello. (Looks around) Where’s Shredder?

Andy: (Looks around. He points his staff at a sleeping Kenneth.) He ran off, but it looks like Krang got left behind.

Brandon: Yeah, that’s Krang alright. Let’s capture him. Be careful, Donatello. He’s a tricky one. (Brandon and Andy sneak up to the couch. Brandon puts his plastic sword to Kenneth’S neck. Andy lays the tip of his staff on Kenneth’S head.) Alright Krang, you’re our prisoner. You going to come quietly or do we have to get rough?

Andy: I hope you try to get away. I’m itchin’ to bash your ugly head in.

Kenneth: (Turns his head towards the boys and opens his eyes drowsily.) What do you think you are doing?

Andy: (Andy hits Kenneth on the head with his staff.) We ask the questions here, Krang. You’re our prisoner.

Brandon: I’ll cut your head like pepperoni if you try to get away.

Kenneth: (Rises angrily from the couch rubbing his head.) I said what the hell do you two think you are doing? (Brandon and Andy lower their toys and take a step backward, obviously scared by their father’s wrath.) (Kenneth yells.) ANSWER ME!

Brandon: We was just playing, Dad. I was Michelangelo and Andy was Donatello. We were playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Mom won’t let us go outside ’cause it’s raining. I told Andy not to wake you.

Andy: (Andy’s eyes widen in surprise.) Liar! You put your dumb sword on Dad’s neck. It’s his fault, Daddy. I was trying to be quiet. Honest.
(Kenneth stands over the boys and continues to glare at them, saying nothing.)

Brandon: Andy, you’re the liar. You said dad was Krang and that we should go capture him. You even hit him on the head. What a dummy.

Andy: Daddy, he told me to do it. I didn’t want to, but Brandon made me. (Andy hits Brandon on the head with his staff.) Lying turdface.

Brandon: OWWW. No fair! (Brandon rears back to swing his sword at Andy. Kenneth intercepts the plastic blade in mid-swing, with his hand.)

Kenneth: Stop it. Stop it right now. You two really make me mad. I don’t get much sleep as it is and you two can’t let me have a little peace and quiet so I can get some rest. All you have done is fight, fight, fight, tearing up the house like you don’t care. (Brandon and Andy lower their heads in contrition.) I’m tired of it. That’s it. Both of you have to be punished for this.

Andy: (Starts to cry.) Daddy, I’m sorry. We just wanted to be turtles and wanted you to play with us.

Brandon: Yeah, Daddy, we were just playing. I’m sorry too.

Kenneth: (Kenneth leans forward to meet the boys at eye level.) No! You’ve gone too far this time. (Kenneth looks around at the throw pillows scattered on the floor.) You’ll get what you deserve. (Kenneth lunges at the boys, grabbing each one around the waist.) I will get you turtles. You will be my slaves. You will never eat pizza again. I will torture you and feed you grass like real turtles. Then, I’ll make turtle soup for me and Shredder to eat. (Brandon and Andy are momentarily startled, then erupt into a fit of screams and giggles. Each one starts to hit Kenneth with his weapon.)

Brandon: You can’t defeat the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Krang. (Brandon hits Kenneth with both swords.) Give it up. You can’t win.

Andy: Cowabunga, dude! Kill’em, Mikey. (Andy repeatedly hits Kenneth with his staff.)

Kenneth: (Kenneth releases both boys and curls his body up on the floor, laughing.) I’m so gonna remember this next time you guys are in trouble. (Kenneth laughs again.)

Tammy: (Tammy removes a steaming pizza from the oven and places it on the table which has been set with salad and glasses of Coca-cola.) Brandon. Andy. Dinner’s ready. Wake your dad up and go wash your hands.

Brandon: Pizza time, dude. TURTLE POWER! (Brandon and Andy drop their toys and exit stage left.)

Kenneth: (Kenneth stands up and goes into the kitchen. He kisses Tammy on the cheek.) Hi, sweetheart. Smells good!

(Kenneth turns to the sink and washes his hands. Brandon and Andy enter stage left, running through the living room to the kitchen.)

Andy: Pizza time, dude! Let’s eat!

Tammy: Boys, take your turtle masks off at the table. Play time is over.

Brandon: But mom, turtles don’t eat without their masks. That’s like eating naked.

Andy: Yeah mom, butt-faced naked.

(Kenneth laughs.)

Tammy: I said take those masks off. Andrew Micheal, so help me, if you don’t stop saying those nasty words, I’m gonna tan your butt. (Tammy slaps Kenneth on the arm.) And you need to stop encouraging them. I think they get it from you. Maybe I should start washing YOUR mouth out with soap. (Both boys laugh.) Now sit down and let’s have dinner. (Kenneth, Brandon, and Andy sit down at the table. Tammy places a tray of bread on the table, then sits down at the table.) Whose turn is it to say the blessing?

Andy: (Andy raises his hand quickly, and waves it energetically.) Mine! (Everyone bows their head as Andy begins the prayer. The stage lights fade out on the scene.)