The Short on Q (As In Cucumber) Range

The Q range officer called down
to the cell block Desk Sergeant,
“There is a short on Q range,
electricity out – not even lights.
Inmates refuse to lock up.”

Several more requests by the ranger officer,
asking for Sergeant Smith what was to be done.
Passage of seven minutes more.
Desk Sergeant Smith called his response
back up to Q range on a bullhorn.

“All residents of Q – as in cucumber – range
lock up immediately. I have checked
the warden’s list of authorized items.
A short is not on that list.
Therefore, I can only conclude that
a short must be a contraband item.
Whomever has the short, surrender it to the Q-
as in cucumber – range officer.
If found with a short in your possession
you will be disciplined to the max!
Don’t stand there staring down at me. Lock up! NOW!”

The inmates on Q range stared blankly
at the surroundings and at each other.
Dealing with the mentality of Sgt. Smith
was a losing proposition at best.
They all proceeded to lock up
in the dark – mumbling to themselves.

Sgt. Smith turned to a guard
standing by his desk and asked,
in all sincerity, “Didn’t we have
a similar ‘contraband short problem’
on F – as in Philadelphia – range
about a year ago?”