Saturday, December 22, 2007

The night I got to Singapore my dreams occurred again. It had been a while since I had had these dreams while I was in Burma.

I was in a small room. No, it was only a space, just for one person, where I was curled up, like I was in a ditch. But there was a hole in front of me with enough space for a person to crawl into. There was no space behind me; it was all closed up. I thought I would suffocate if I remained in this position, so I crawled into the hole in front of me. As I crawled forward the space became narrower and narrower. I felt the space become even smaller than when I was curled up in the ditch and thought for a moment of turning back. But then the memory of that curled-up space disgusted me and I decided to go ahead. The space became narrower and I felt like I was suffocating more and more. I felt so discouraged, but also that there was no other way. I kept pushing forward, and suddenly I felt a spark of light in front of me. It was a very small spark of light at the corner of my eyes was and was waving to me and inviting me over.

Although it was far away, I knew this was the light I was yearning and hoping for over many months and years. Now I felt it. The thought crossed my mind that there may not be a way to actually reach the light, but that didn’t stop me. I kept going on. However far away it may be I decided to go forward. As I went ahead, whenever I felt closer to the light I became more suffocated and eventually overwhelmed with emotions: a mixture of hopelessness, discouragement, fear, and tightness overcame me. Then again, behind the feelings of discouragement, I felt there was hope. And that was when I woke up.