This piece was selected for the PEN World Voices PEN/Guernica Flash Series—one piece of flash every day throughout the festival. It’s also featured in the 2014 PEN World Voices Online Anthology

An abandoned ark is cast upon the summit of Mount Ararat. There are no signs of disturbance on the ship—there is stale straw in the manger, and bowls of steaming soup and a half-full pot of tea on the dining table. No one has any idea where the crew and animals have gone. God looked upon it and said that it was good.

A man with butter slathered all over his body slips into a crowd, shouting fry me, fry me. He pushes through the mass of people, who are furious about the butter smeared on their clothes, until he finds the old woman he’s been looking for, squeezes her tight and then hurls her into the air. Damn you! Damn you! she cries as she ascends to heaven.

I wake one morning to find myself a man of consequence. A postcard arrives notifying me that I have been appointed Prime Minister. The Roman Senate recruits me as President of the United States. I work very, very hard, and the world fills with love and peace to the great joy of all. This is not one of those it-was-all-a-dream stories. Why anyone should object is beyond me!

This is the first appearance of Three Twitter Stories.