12: OBSTRUCTION

Delineations & definitions: 1. Obstruction being to obstruct to get in the way like I tried to be an obstruction so that the little fat girl wouldn’t be hit but my body being so much thinner than hers I couldn’t obstruct enough. 2. Obstruction being standstill or stagnation like the city of heat preventing people from breath like the city of heat keeping me stuck there not growing like grass dying when Father leaves. 3. Obstruction being the wife like me never wanting to be obstruction.

Us lovers with our fear of contentment like you lover like your parents & me lover like my parents the way our parents lover our families are content the way they sit in front of their dinners in front of their televisions & they don’t talk lover they don’t say words to each other because lover there is a comfort in their contentment there is a sadness & that’s what us lovers fear most like how we have dinner & we don’t talk & how we television instead of speak silence.

Memory of the city of heat & me working in the place that was my work that place where I was when not at home with brother Big brother & Adam I’m calling him Adam & Adam’s mother & Adam’s aunt & friends I had friends there & memory of the day it rained until the next day & until three days after & the streets barricaded like revolution & water became river with bench floating rafts & brother Big brother saying Sister we’ve got to get home before we’re real stuck!

 

This hexagram is not about the water. It’s about Heaven over Earth, which of course, makes rain that becomes water that can surround that can barricade like a moat to protect princesses like Jill the great princess.

  

Impossible for the great to obstruct the small when small is smaller than great & much more crafty & impossible to catch between cracks of the great, the small runs free through escaping through cracks quite large.

Father taking me to school my first time away saying Whatever you do in life there will be many challenges to stop you but don’t go left don’t go right stay straight just straight & I was so eager to get faraway.

  

Translator translating saying, Standstill. Evil people do not further. The perseverance of the superior man. The great departs; the small approaches. But by now you should know I prefer the small to the great.

That us lovers play chess & my style is not so clean & that my end game takes forever & ever that you lover become frustrated that I lover can’t just beat you until I’ve got all but your king & still lover I stalemate you.

  

Mother & Father buying a new home a home they can’t afford with two layers & them wanting us family to stay there forever but home is never a strong enough obstruction for any of us children to keep us.

 

32: PERSEVERING

 

You walking through winds blustering on skin with cuts gorging new paths on your calloused body. Above you Thunder stomps on heads like giants playing with human ants like Jack felt playing in Heaven   I called you once & hung up before you could pick up. I called you again later & hung up shy very shy. Funny thing is that you knew it was me all along & played it like you didn’t & I like a fool had no idea.

That brother Big brother that he went through decades of school & that he hated blood & went to med school all for parents all for them to have pride but brother Big brother he couldn’t persevere to finish it all.
  

That brother Big brother now that he is a waiter now that he is no longer in school now that he smiles & guffaws like a fool he perseveres again when he with his little legs runs miles until marathons equal his success.

that he was trying & image of father man of small stature once a man of mathematics once a man who loved painting but loved my mother even more that he became a mathematician but loved my mother even more that he left his hometown left his homeland because he loved his children even more & him respectfully becoming a janitor because host families couldn’t understand that he was so much more & him maintaining what he was only in dreams & providing food for us

That we fight & I scream only in reaction to you sometimes illogical sometimes rightful mostly not so right but I understand & I forgive even though at night I grind my teeth until nerves are singed & even though it’s not your fault all the time I’m aware that for this to work it isn’t improper to call it work because work is what must be done for this for relationships for our relationship not fully unselfishly because I am the first to admit that I do things for my own good

Image of Father man of small stature man of so many brilliant thoughts bowing head to pretend he can understand but not understanding a damned word anyone is saying even though he learned the language long ago and can write it perfectly because sound is hard to replicate & accents are impossible to conceal even if you know the language & he knowing & unable to speak it but continuing & him trying to make those with skin lighter than our own understand &
 

Father saying to little girl when you grow up you will be a doctor so you can take care of Father your Father who you love very much to take care of & I saying yes Father I will & little girl saying I love you so so very much.   Thunder moving above wanting to strike if only sound could strike more than eardrum if only it could hurt more than just that, but sound is confined to sound, but Wind can be heard, seen, tasted, smelled, & touched.

 

61: INNER TRUTH

That with my family there is not concern for inner truth that with my family there is no desire for inner truth that with my family there are only superficial smiles & there are only painful embraces & that with my family there is no truth there is only what Mother & Father want to bear & us children we do all we can to avoid our inner truths when Mother & Father are near because us children we don’t want to disappoint any more than we already have truth being pain.

& you say You can be wrong & I say I’ve never been wrong & you say It’s ok to make mistakes lover & I say Not in my world lover it’s not ok to make mistakes & you say It’s time for you to make a stand lover it’s time for you to make a choice & stick with it & it’s ok if you make mistakes & we’ll all still love you & I say You don’t know my family lover & I’m not sure you know me because lover that’s not me I’m not one to do that to make mistakes even if they’re ok.

 

There are great waters reader & it would be best for you to cross them reader & I don’t know what’s on the other side & I can’t be expected to know it all but I can tell you that if you’re smart reader you’d cross it wisely.   The day I got that letter that unsigned letter saying: I think you’re a bad person. Please stop lying. Get some social skills. & that I got that letter that unsigned letter on my car & I was more hurt by anonymity than truth.
Wind over Swamp like that day us lovers went to Swamps & it wasn’t raining but a tornado had swept into the swamp & cleared all the water & mud & us lovers explored until there was nothing left to claim as own.   You want to divulge your secrets reader just because this one is called Inner Truth but I warn you reader that there are some secrets best left hidden that there are some things that should never really be spoken silent.

Little girl’s family in a little war that her sister Big sister has done it again & little girl not wanting it but sister Big sister is back she’s gone back to the city of heat & sister Big sister living with her little parents in their little home & little girl she isn’t there any more but she can feel the tightness she can feel the pressure & how long until Father strokes again & there are two sides now & little girl doesn’t know herself strong enough to pick one side so she sways here & there.
 
Inside sister Big sister there is no truth that she is a woman full of lies & reader please be understanding that it isn’t her fault that so long ago doctors named her crazy but there are no pretty pills no electricity that can make her whole again & poor sister Big sister she’s just like Jack sitting on that wall & her lies making rents in her shell until poor sister Big sister falls & it’s like the fall of man only there’s no redemption & there are no gods to fix this broken woman fix.